I am happily at home 'alone' (Baby J is sleeping in the room next to me), while handsome hubby is off celebrating a friend's birthday.
I have a project list as long as my arm and a wet cloth diaper still sitting on the hardwood floor from 2 1/2 hours ago when I changed Baby J before bed. (*here I go to put it in the wash with the others...*) And while the diapers now wash, the project list continues to sit, as does my bottom on our lovely mismatched couch.
It has been a really tough week for us here, for reasons I am not yet ready to share, and yet God has found little ways to shine his love and peace through the clouds of my emotional and over-analytical mind.
For example, Baby J's devotions tonight read as follows:
"Patience and encouragement come from God." - Romans 15:5
The Shepherd knows that we need help
To get us through our days.
He's faithful to encourage us
In big and little ways.
He sends a friend to cheer us on
Or lend a helping hand.
And when we feel like giving up,
He'll be our strength to stand!
From "Bedtime Prayers" by Bonnie Rickner Jensen (we REALLY like this book!)
Many prayers this week have begun or ended in desperate cries for answers, relief, patience, trust, understanding, and clear glimpses of his presence. Oh, to discern the voice of God from my own clanging thoughts!
And yet, we have not been alone in our suffering this week. A friend wrote to me: "...there is something about the sharing of suffering that is beautiful and lightens the load. I think that it is in acknowledging the other's pain and suffering, and walking with them as they also acknowledge and walk with you in yours... We are called to that and I know that is the only way that I can keep going."
We all suffer in one form or another.
It is in the knowing that God will send help to get us through our days, that I find comfort.
I will be honest and say that I have not felt "at peace" yet with our tough week; however, I have felt joy, and trust that a true feeling of peace will come in the days that follow.
This week the joy came....
....in watching Baby J play peek-a-boo around the corner to the kitchen (totally baby-initiated play!)
....in having a wonderful husband who held me through the tears
....in Baby J finally sleeping 12 hours TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW!
....in chatting on the phone for nearly an hour with my best friend (I don't think I've talked that long on the phone since high school!)
....in the bouquet of flowers delivered by a dear friend
....in kind and sympathetic messages from others who 'get it'
....in a morning of play with four book-loving children
....and in tonight's discovery of iGoogle and my new virtual pet hamster, "Mortimer." (Thank you Julie!)
"He's faithful to encourage us
In big and little ways."
I will continue to look for the 'joy' until I am overcome with peace.
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